Tom on birthday
The Toddler Years

To my little boy on his third birthday 

Dear Thomas

How are you already three? Bizarrely it feels like the longest but also the shortest three years of my life. I know that doesn’t make sense and it’s hard to explain. Sometimes the days can feel long as a parent, but the months and years do seem to whiz by just like that.

I can’t believe how much you have changed in three years. You have gone from being my tiny, sweet, helpless newborn to a fiesty, independent, funny pre-schooler. I love your little personality which is really starting to shine lately. You are so sweet and so so funny, you make me smile, laugh and burst with pride every single day. My heart feels like it expands a little more every day which I didn’t think was possible because it is already completely consumed by the love I have for you.

I’m sure you remember but I used to be away from you for four long days each week, from when you were just six months old. Each day I was away from you at work, tore at my heart. It felt wrong to be away from you so much. You were always in my thoughts and I felt like I should be with you.

Last summer I made a brave move to leave that job to spend much more time with you during these precious years, to be the one who is there for all your milestones. To see you grow, to shape you into the person you are going to be. Nothing is more important to me than that. It hasn’t been easy in a culture of social media and ‘keeping up with the Jones’. Our family has taken a big hit financially but it is most definitely the right decision. We don’t need a lot to be happy, as cliche as that sounds; it’s the truth.

I love how our simple days are our happiest; running in the park, playing in the sand, playing with your toys at home, painting, reading books, baking cakes, playing hide and seek.  One day Mummy may need to work hard to make up for the years lost in my job but it’s a price I’m willing to pay to make these memories with you and for you to have a Mummy who was present during your early years.

It certainly isn’t all sunshine and roses; there are hard days. Days when you are ill or poorly or just in a bad mood. Sometimes you are clingy and everything is a battle; it can be exhausting. Some days we don’t manage to leave the house and those days can feel as though I haven’t achieved anything. There are days that I wonder where my carefree and often glamorous life went. Yes there are days when I feel like I’ve lost who I am, but in spite of the rough times I would never trade you or the life I have now, not in a million years.

You have taught me more about myself than I’ve learnt in 34 years. You’ve taught me patience, resilience, hope, positivity, unconditional love, selflessness, strength. Becoming your Mummy has changed my life in a way I never imagined it would. It has brought out anxieties I didn’t know existed, and has made me reassess a lot of things. I feel like I want the best for you and I want to strive to be the best role model I can be.

I have high hopes for you my bright little one, there are lots of amazing things ahead for you.

Love you always

Your Mummy xx

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