As I’ve shared in previous posts, Motherhood has been one hell of a journey for me. I really struggled to adapt to life as a Mum with my first child and found it unbelievably lonely. I struggled to slow down after over a decade of fast paced, results driven jobs.
It took a huge anxiety attack to force me to make changes and find some peace of mind and calm in my frantic life.
I definitely feel like a happier and calmer Mum second time around. I can’t say it’s perfect as of course I still have my moments but I am able to live in the moment more easily as well as seeing the value in how my days are filled.
Being at home to raise children isn’t an easy transition after years of being focused on career, goals and being self focused and self indulgent. But once you are able to find your own groove and make it work for you it becomes much sweeter. A second child also gives you perspective that this time is finite.
Being brutally honest, the thought of a full week with Thomas during nursery holidays has seemed daunting. He’s a wonderful child but extremely headstrong and stubborn and he can be very challenging. When we are at loggerheads he saps my energy. And since having his baby sister, it adds another dimension.
I’ve found some of my days alone with them very frustrating and overwhelming. But of course I always set myself unrealistic goals about how much I can get done in a day when I have the two of them. Looking after a 12 week old and an almost 4 year old is tough. Yet I feel that I should be doing more with them, taking them for nice days out as well as organising the house to an Instagram worthy standard.
I had a lightbulb moment last week and it was that getting through the day with both kids healthy and happy is achievement in itself. Any extras ticked off my to-do list are a bonus.
Today, I managed to prise Thomas off his IPad around lunch time and we all sat in the garden and enjoyed the sunshine, keeping Ava under our new umbrella parasol. We bought him a small paddling pool, put him in his swimming costume and he had an amazing afternoon. I played chase and make believe for a little while too and I know it meant so much to him. I used to be so imaginative and creative as a child and I’ve become so uptight as an adult. I never realised or more accurately admitted it until recently and my goal now is to play and live in the moment more. Children are wonderful for helping us to see what areas we really need to work on.
Of course i still have moments of overwhelm, whilst trying to attend to two children with demanding needs. But reminding myself that I am enough and I am doing such an important job in helping them grow and laying solid foundations for their childhood. And that has more weight and importance than anything else that could possibly be sitting on my to-do list.